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Author Topic: So You Want to be a Villain?  (Read 2801 times)

Offline Cleopatra

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So You Want to be a Villain?
« on: 01 July 2009 09:07 PM »
If you want to be a villain, then look deep in the abyss. Is it staring back at you? Goethe and Nietzsche say that you become the monster if you fight them too long. Though in some cases this may be true in real life, fictional villains are different.Before we begin we must define villainy. The word villain is from a French word that means peasant. Low-birth was supposed to mean a greater inclination to evil. In the Middle Ages, nobles had privileges like trials and private executions. In medieval and Renaissence literature however, the villains were often corrupt clergy and noble usurpers. In general a villain either commits actions harmful to society, rebels against authority, or uses trickery to get ahead in sociey. One person's villain can be another persons hero. In Shakespeare Joan of Arc is a villainess.
Now that the boring definition is over we can have fun. If you are still reading at this point, you might want to look at this list. These are potential careers.
Anime/Video Game Villain
Pros: You get the most devoted fangirls known to fiction. Some of them are decent looking. You also get long coffee breaks. You are typically stronger than the average villain. You do not need motivation unless you want to be Sephiroth popular.
Cons: You get defeated by children, old people, and animals. Your sexual orientation will become the hot topic of forums and chat rooms all over the world.
Typical Traits: Unusual hair color helps alot. White hair screams evil incarnate. Owning a sword bigger than your body makes you look cool. If you are not blessed with good looks, then the armor look is wonderful.
Fantasy Villains
Pros: You have the best chance of becoming famous. A hot actor/actress can portray you on the big screen. You have a chance of becoming the boss.
Cons: You actually have to work if you are not the boss. Evil overlords are demanding and merciless. It requires patience, opportunity, and a long life-span to get what you want.
Typical Traits: You are menacing with dark looks, or ugly and sneaky, or beautiful and charming.
Science Fiction Villains
Pros: You have the best chance of living. Science fiction universes have the best medecine and cloning is often common. You also make appearences on TV and movies.
Cons: The future often contains poor prisons and idiot guards. You can be exiled on lifeless rocks. Or you could be forced to kill relatives by that arrogant boss. That is until you become that arrogant boss.
Typical Traits: Black is the new black. You carry a gun or super powers. You might even have mystical powers because we all know that pseudo-science rocks! The best power of a villainess is of course your good looks. There are no ugly villainesses in science-fiction.
Pros: You can be whatever you want. You can work in a team or by yourself. You can design your own costume and headquarters. You can seduce your achenemy's girlfriend. Villainesses will have better success getting super-heros to marry them. You can abandon any unwanted kids, and they will grow up to become super-heros/villains.
Cons: You will be in prison. You also have a good chance of dying. When you die there are three possibilities. One is that you are ressurected by a flimsy plot. The second is that someone else steals your name and stuff. The third is that you are forgotten except on Toonopedia.
Typical Traits: They are too varied to classify them all. If your enemy has powers from outerspace, you should become a sorceror or scientist. If your enemy is all-powerful, steal or duplicate his/her powers.
Non-Anime Cartoon Villains
Pros: You are invulnerable. Your chances of dying are slim. If you do die, then millions of kids will cry and their parents will write nasty letters. The letters will be about your opponent, but at least they care. You also do not need a motive. Simply saying you want power is enough.
Cons: It is embarrasing if you do not work for Disney. Nobody will talk to you at the convention if you are the new Carebears villain.
Typical Traits: You must have a sense of irony and humor. You must be selfish and childish (if you are not a child to begin with). You must be willing to fail a billion times.

« Last Edit: 01 July 2009 09:31 PM by Cleopatra »
Time is the fire in which we burn. -Gene Roddenberry